Theory 48: Never ever say, “At least you have summers off” to a schoolteacher.

Four. More. Days. 

My junior high colleagues and I have four more days of freedom before we report for duty and begin a new school year. Yes, I am complaining. No, I am not ashamed of my whining. It’s no mystery that women love to complain. We are detail-oriented, critical thinkers. Plus, we are the critical do-ers, so grant us our soap boxes from which we must speak, because as soon as we step off those soap boxes we have to mop them. Among women, I believe teachers are the best of the best when it comes to griping. Maybe I could hustle up a griping best practices in-service followed by a how to keep your employees from griping in-service. I can smell the green $$$!

I cannot tell you how many times last winter, as I collapsed after a one hour school-daycare-errands-home commute, I would say, “I am absolutely worn slap out” only to hear Tall Child say, “Well, you’re about to have three months off.”

Really, Tall Child? What kind of new math did you learn back in the day? My last day of school was May 28. My first day back is July 22. Now, I never have been able to read a clock or remember which months have thirty-one days, but I can promise you I don’t get three months off. Six weeks. That’s it in my district. Sounds eerily like maternity leave…feels like I’m recovering from birthing 230 freshmen. Did I tell you I’m pregnant with 230 more?

Thus, in honor of all the educators out there who must squeeze summer onion-dipped, beer-battered thighs back into their helk-acious school attire, I have made a few lists. Teachers, this bud of a blog by Bug is for you. Perhaps, when a moneyed friend from the corporate world, or a well-wishing housewife, says to you, “At least you have summers off” you can whip this list out and ‘splain to him/her that teachers need summers off to survive. But, be compassionate, because you may see those silver-liners in a cafeteria someday because, no matter how hard some people try in the beginning, they still end up teaching school. Trust me.

THIS Happy Camper...

Things that WEAR teachers out so that they need (and deserve) summers off:

Doing paperwork for the sake of paperwork

Evaluations, which require eight page lesson plans when we can accomplish the same thing with a Post-It note
Holding our bladders for eight hours

Trying to decipher and accept Common Core Standards

Continuously counting the number of pieces of paper they print out of the printer that breaks all the time (I went 2500 over last school year!)

Explaining to dozens of students, dozens of times, “Yes, I got my haircut.”

Hearing co-workers’ personal problems. I apologize to all my work buddies in advance, but I have so much to tell you...

Bus duty

Hall duty

Cafeteria duty

Ballgame duty

Dance duty

Club advisory duty

Long commutes

Needy co-workers (again, sorry in advance)

Proofreading for grown-ups (I never could have published The Eye of Adoption with my beta reader, Red Hot Backspace)

Washing the two pair of black slacks every other night

Helping our children with schoolwork after teaching school all day

Frantic phone calls from our children’s schools and daycares

Sneaking out of school to take our children to the doctor

Daycare diapers, wipes, fees, cooties, papers

Jumping off each other's cars (all teacher cars should come with jumper cables and Triple AAA)

Packing lunches (or eating the same lunches as our second graders)

Interpreting one-thousand-word emails

Fixing spotty wireless
Being teacher-broke and thus guiltily saying “no” to students who are fundraising to go on mission trips to cure or feed poor children in third world countries

Breaking up fights
Sitting in uncomfortable furniture

Papergates (for my NMS buddies)

Battling bladder infections (Can I get an "Amen" elementary friends?)
Going to graduate school

Fixing our bangs (or is that just me?)

Dieting: teachers are always on diets
Answering the question, “Did you get my email?” 

Negotiating with menopausal/PMS-ing colleagues
Acronyms, like, um,...N.A. (Red Hot Backspace, ask me about this one. Ha!), S.A.D, CCSS, NEA, TEA, PARCC, TCAP, NCLB, DECA, FBLA, EOC, TDOE, TEAM, TIGER, CTE, ...
Lovingly hosting impromptu 45 minute parent-teacher conferences at Wal-Mart

Staying nice all day and not losing your cool.

What teachers do during their, ahem, looooong summer “breaks”:
Tee-tee

Feed other people’s animals

Work second jobs (often alongside or serving our students) so we can pay bills
     - mow grass
     - wait tables
     - clean cabins
     - nanny
     - coach
     - umpire/ref
     - host camps
     - work at Dollywood
     - sell stuff
     - rescue tourists from bumper boat and race track spin-outs
     - tutor
     - write books

Go to grad school

Run shuttle services to all kinds of practices.

Do the marine crawl under our front doors to avoid baby-sitting other people’s children

Teach vacation Bible school

Teach summer school

Get pap smears, breast exams, dental cleanings, colonoscopies, prostate exams, and vasectomies

Finish hours upon hours of unscheduled, mandatory and voluntary in-service

Attend professional development conferences

Serve in the National Guard

Things teachers dread about the start of school

Doing paperwork for the sake of paperwork

Being teacher-broke and spending our money on classroom supplies

Learning new software, again, like we do every August

Attending in-service meetings that soak up valuable time

Tolerating obnoxious teachers who won’t shut up during said in-service meetings

No more Bloody Mary’s at lunch

Taking showers every single day

Wearing different clothes every single day

Conforming to a handbook that has rules inside

Learning student names (then learning student names again after Christmas break – same students)

Saying the same thing one thousand times per hour per day per week per month.

Saying the same thing one thousand times per hour per day per week per month.

Saying the same thing one thousand times per hour per day per week per month.

Students, the printer name is MCS 211.

Students, the printer name is MCS 211.

Students, the printer name is MCS 211.

Missing our own children
Continuing graduate school coursework as we plan, teach, and grade

Moving to different classrooms

Finding out we have to teach brand new content

Sitting through student-orientations

Needing a change in scenery:
Which view is better? Compare and contrast...

~ ~ ~

All that griping aside, I truly believe that teaching is the most important profession in the world because it impacts every other profession. We have (scary?) powerful influence in what I think is a noble career. Think back to the people who inspired you as you grew up. My guess is that if you make a list of the ten people who inspired, encouraged, and loved you throughout your childhood, half or more of those people are teachers. I have been a corporate worker, a housewife, a teacher, and a writer.

To end on a positive note (since teachers must model appropriate attitudes toward learning for their students), I jotted a good little list of wonderful aspects of the teaching profession. I mean every single word.

Good things about being a teacher:
MY BUDDIES AT SCHOOL
Students keeping us youthful and informed

Speedy work days

Rewarding interaction with young people
Colorful, dynamic, always changing work days

A calling, a ministry

The privilege of parenting children who need parenting

Socializing with interesting, talented, funny co-workers
Faculty: a second family

Working in a culture of life-long learning

Knowing exactly what we are supposed to do

Opportunities to be creative

Collaborating with bright professionals

Advocating for your school community

Enjoying the privilege of caring for young people and helping them reach their goals! 

Playing a personal role in students’ success stories
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot:

Fall break

Thanksgiving break

Christmas break

Spring break

Summer break

And the best of the best:

SNOW DAYS!

~ ~ ~

Facebook: Jody Cantrell Dyer

See you next post. Until then, think outside the barn!

Author website: www.jodydyer.com