I have a theory: People write diaries hoping someone else will read them.

Blogs are basically techy on-line diaries, but with purpose. I hope to offer more purpose than personal, so please forgive me as I talk about my family and myself a little on my first post to Theories: Size 12, Musings from a Mountain Mama. Let’s get the introductions out of the way, then we can move on to more engaging topics!

My name is Jody Cantrell Dyer. My nickname is Bug because I used to stand in the backseat of my parents' car and lean over the front seat, stick my head right in between theirs, and chatter. Constantly. “Bugging them to death.” Yes, I talk. All the time. And, I’m direct. Here’s an example of how direct and honest I am! I turned 39 in February 2013. I stand 5.5 feet tall and toggle between 150 and 157 pounds. I’m 150 in the summer because I weed my yard and trim my hedges (for JoeyC). Then, when football season starts, I fatten up with water-retaining tailgate foods and, uh-hum, beverages. I stay thick through the holidays to keep warm and because it is just plain rude to refuse a sweet treat brought to me by a co-worker or student (I teach 9^th grade). Ah, good times. But each spring, I pull that dang Land’s End catalog featuring over-promising, under-delivering swimsuits for big-breasted women out of the mailbox and panic. I cut out carbs and start working in my yard, and the cycle starts again. I wear a size 12. Always have. Probably always will. In addition to teaching school, I am an adoption enthusiast and writer. I recently published The Eye of Adoption: the true story of my turbulent wait for a baby.

I do have a husband. He turns 50 next Monday. Let’s call him by one of his nicknames, Tall Child. We have two little boys. Our older son is eleven. His baseball coach nicknamed him Sharky because he is “all cartilage” and swims in a strange, fluid, zigzagging motion around the bases. I think the nickname also fits because Sharky had to move like Michael Phelps on Wipeout to navigate the gauntlet of my reproductive system. He is medically unexplained. Tall Child and I also have a three-year-old toddler. I call him The Roaming Gnome because he works a room like he’s age 45 and at a cocktail party. And, he’s little bitty. He can turn into a ball like a Roly Poly bug! We adopted him after an eight-year journey through infertility and adoption, and all three of us are madly in love with him and try to follow his instructions as best we can.

A few summers ago, my nieces (I’ll spare them public humiliation and use their nicknames), E and Cake, came to visit us. E and Sharky were 8 years old. Sharky was teasing E and hurt her feelings. She retreated to the guest bedroom, and wrote in her journal, “When I first came to Knoxville, I thought I would have a good time, but [Sharky] is being mean.” Then, she stomped into the living room, opened the book at Sharky, and demanded, “Here [Sharky], read what I wrote about you in my journal!”

Bloggers (online diarists) write to vent, inform, heal, sell, and entertain. I will be completely honest; I hope to do all those things! But, my focus is on you, not me.

Like many of you, I’ve had or have my share of struggles, heartaches, and frustrations. I hope you feel validated here.

I’m a public school teacher; it’s in my nature to explain things. I hope you learn here. By the way, “I’m a public school teacher" is my defensive sentence against aggressive sales folks. It works like mace on a Smoky Mountain black bear!

I suffer from secondary infertility, anxiety, and a clotting disorder. The clotting disorder complicates things, but it also prevents me from getting a much needed breast reduction. Writing and reading are therapeutic activities. I hope you find healing here.

I wrote and published a novel titled The Eye of Adoption: the true story of my turbulent wait for a baby, to encourage, enlighten, and entertain women affected by infertility and/or adoption. I hope you buy it!

I crave laughter like a junior leaguer shakes for Pinot Grigio at 5:15 p.m. and a Georgia fan requires barbecue at a tailgate. I am a humorist at heart. I hope you laugh here.

I named this blog Theories: Size 12, Musings from a Mountain Mama for three reasons:

1. I have lots of theories. I really annoy Tall Child, who is not always interested in my theories. You may agree with my theories. You may hate them. Who knows?

2. I wear a Size 12. That is the most common clothing size for American women. I’m like most of ya’ll.

3. I am a daughter of modern Appalachia. I grew up in Sevier County (Sevierville, Pigeon Forge, and Gatlinburg), Tennessee. I grew up tubing in the Little River in The Great Smoky Mountains, and spent most of my first dates flirting my way through eighteen holes of putt-putt.

My goal is to post on Fridays. Think of Theories: Size 12 as a casual column in a small town Friday paper that you read when you are tired of working all week and need a distraction. But, you just might learn something from this nobody in a size 12!

Which reminds me of Theory 2: Anyone can learn from anyone.

See you next post. Until then, think outside the barn!

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