Thursday, October 31, 2013

No one "just adopts."


Readers, I know I promised Theory 24: Teachers are money hustlers, ya’ll, so I hope you’ll forgive my literary detour. I promise I’ll be back to Theories December 6.
 

Why am I doing this?


Friday, November 1, 2013, Gnome’s birthmother and I are featured speakers at an important annual fundraiser for Bethany Christian Services, the agency that introduced us. I’ll call the Gnome’s birthmother “Tinkerbell” because she is bright, full of light, and small like a sprite! I adore her and we love to share our adoption experience with others.  Yesterday I met with our social worker to discuss the Bethany event and he said, “People just love your story.”

Tinkerbell and I each lived through difficult, emotional, compelling, modern, and—at times—humorous birth and adoption stories.



Tall Child was adopted in 1963. I suffer from secondary infertility.  I started trying to conceive a second child in 2002. I met Tinkerbell in 2010. Our complex journeys toward and with one another still astound me.
 For me, adoption was grief in reverse. For Tinkerbell, adoption was the supreme demonstration of selfless love. I gained the education of a lifetime in my eight-year wait for Gnome; I learned so much that I felt compelled to help others affected by infertility and/or adoption. So, I wrote a book titled The Eye of Adoption: The True Story of My Turbulent Wait for a Baby.

As I contemplated what I would say to an audience of hundreds of people at the Bethany fundraiser, I thought:

November is National Adoption Awareness Month!
I love to share my story!
I have a blog!
I think outside the barn!
I should share my story with my blog readers !
 
Thus, to celebrate adoption and enlighten, encourage, and entertain, I'll post one chapter of The Eye of Adoption each Friday in November. I’ve also teamed up with other adoption authors to give our books away throughout the month. Be sure to check the links at the end of each post for information on how to receive our free Kindle download dates.

Friends, I am the same everywhere I go, and that includes my writing style. I promise you will laugh and I know you will learn, so I hope you will read these chapters each week. Besides, doesn’t everyone love a good adoption story? Please share these posts and the free download dates with friends and family.

Happy Reading!



Do you see the baby in the clouds? An ethereal ultrasound?
~ ~ ~


THE EYE OF ADOPTION


the true story of my turbulent wait

for a baby

  


Jody Cantrell Dyer
~ ~ ~

This book is protected under the copyright laws of the
United States of America.  Any reproduction or unauthorized
use is prohibited without express permission of the author,
except brief quotes for use in interviews,
newspaper or magazine articles, or reviews.
For information, contact author.
ISBN-10: 1481040138
ISBN-13: 978-1481040136
 
Bible verses quoted within are from the following versions:
THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971,1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by
The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
The King James Version is public domain in the
United States of America.
Front cover photograph obtained from fotolia.com
Back cover artwork by Houston Dyer
Cover design by Sherri B. McCall



 ~ ~ ~



 

No One “Just Adopts”


Hope deferred maketh the heart sick:
but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.
—Proverbs 13:12
 

When I was a toddler, I entertained relatives by singing this little song:

Special, special, I am very special
           God made me this way!
 
I would draw out the word “way” as “waaaaaaaaaaay” like an operatic trill, a crowd-pleasing ending to my parlor trick performance. That song rings true for every child. My children are no more special than your children or the child for which you pray and wait. However, adoption is special. It was divinely designed and serves as a living example of God’s graceful, abundant love for humankind. 

I have two friends who, years ago, placed babies for adoption. Each was in college when she was surprised by a crisis pregnancy. One friend told me her experience when she found out my husband Jeff and I were trying to adopt. She gave me crucial advice regarding the birthparents’ extended family. Her help later proved vital. The other friend is unaware that I know she placed a baby for adoption. When she sees us, she asks to hold my child. I think holding my baby gives her assurance and peace about the decision she made so many years ago.

My initial purpose in writing this book was to chronicle the sweet and sour elements of our adoption story for my children. I am a public school teacher, not a writer, but I wanted my children to understand the extremes to which their father and I suffered and succeeded to create our family. Our children will have a colorful, descriptive, documented account of a story that tested love, endurance, commitment, and faith, a story they can learn from and someday pass on to their families.

As I revisited my journal entries, mined through letters and emails from friends and relatives, and studied countless pieces of medical documents and adoption paperwork, I realized that my story could benefit people outside my little family. For that reason, I expanded the book to reveal details regarding every step my husband Jeff and I took toward our second child. In these pages I will candidly present information to intimately describe how Jeff and I clumsily but successfully battled through the uncontrolled currents of infertility and adoption.  To protect my adopted child’s most personal history, I kept much of the birth family’s biological and social background information private. My intention in writing this book is not to expose my child, but to expose the raw and rewarding aspects of adoption.

Throughout each section of this book, I divulge friends’, relatives’, and strangers’ commentary, support, criticism, and reaction. I share the effects of all of the above on my marriage. I also try my best to illuminate God’s concern and involvement in every moment of our trek toward a baby.

I hope my story will benefit people who wish to become adoptive parents, regardless of where they are in the process. Whether you decide to adopt after failed fertility treatments, lost pregnancies, a lost child, no chance of conceiving, have a dozen children already, or feel “called” to adopt, I respect you. No matter the circumstances, adoptive parents share a special bond. I hope “waiting parents” will relate to my emotions, experiences, tribulations, and triumphs. I hope by doing so, you find camaraderie, relief, and optimism.

Because adoption is a spiritual transaction conducted within a commercial industry, success in adoption requires involvement from what seems like everyone connected to the adoptive parents. Thus, adoptive parents’ friends, relatives, co-workers, and even pets will find themselves here, too. I urge anyone connected to waiting parents to read my story to empathize with the adoptive family and perhaps alleviate, not complicate, the inevitable burdens. Do not underestimate the depths of suffering and lengths of endurance required of adoptive parents. Do not underestimate the difficult choice to find a child through adoption. No one “just adopts.”

My mother thought of the book’s title, The Eye of Adoption. She has a particular gift for naming pets; my aunts, uncles, and cousins often contract her to name their animals, so I asked her to name this book. After reading the book, her critter-naming gift prevailed once more.

Adoption is a storm of faith, fear, paperwork, people, hurt, healing, words, work, devotion, divinity, rawness, revelation, days, and, hopefully, a delivery.

I was not strong on my own. I relied on my husband, my mother, my friends, my family, and my faith to prop me up during my doubtful and weak moments.

I hope my story is a clear window through which you can visualize your potential adoption experience. I hope my story comforts you as you live in the eye of adoption.


The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!
—Robert Burns, “To A Mouse”
~ ~ ~

 
Readers, please send this post to anyone you know who is touched by infertility, adoption, or crisis pregnancy. You can copy and paste the URL into an email or you can Google+, Tweet, or share on Facebook.

Let's talk! Find me and friend me!

Also, visit Amazon.com or my website to read about my book, The Eye of Adoption, my short story, Field Day, and my collection of essays for parents and teachers, Parents, Stop and Think.

Author website: www.jodydyer.com

Facebook: Theories: Size 12 (See each post, comment, share, and talk directly with others readers and me!) I'd LOVE to hear your theories!

Facebook: Jody Cantrell Dyer
GoodReads.com: Let's talk books.
Twitter: @jodycdyer
Author website: www.jodydyer.com
Read reviews and/or purchase The Eye of Adoption here: Amazon.com


See you next Friday with Chapter 2! Until then, think outside the barn.

Just thinking outside the barn...

Just thinking outside the barn...